


run, run, run away (buy yourself another day)

by glowinghorizons



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin Reunion, F/M, Fluff, Future Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 04:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4334042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowinghorizons/pseuds/glowinghorizons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bellamy doesn't know if it would be easier if he hated her, or if she came back and gave him a reason not to. the easy choice has never been one available to him. he doesn't expect life to get any easier now that she's gone.</p><p>(future!fic; set during the hiatus before clarke's return; rated T for language, and A for angst)</p>
            </blockquote>





	run, run, run away (buy yourself another day)

**Author's Note:**

> after comic-con, i felt the need to write a s3 fic. the consensus seems to be that there’s gonna be a lot of angst in our future, so that’s what this is. also fluff, because i’m bellarke trash. bellamy’s pov in the months while clarke is gone, and their reunion. title and lyrics inset are from “kingdom come” by the civil wars.
> 
> disclaimer: i don't own the 100, any similarities in plot between this fic and the show, or the characters. any canonical elements and similarities between this and what will happen in future episodes are purely coincidence.

.

.

 _don’t you fret my dear,_  
_it’ll all be over soon_  
_i’ll be waiting here, for you_

He doesn't know how long it's been. Weeks, days, hours... they all pass, but it still feels like the blink of an eye since she left them. 

He's managed well enough. He's been forced to take charge, and make sure that the rest of the 100 --  _44, there were only 44 left_  -- were taken care of. For the first few weeks back in Camp Jaha, the only way he could get over the sting of Clarke’s abandonment was to force his way into council meetings and make sure they knew that he damn sure wasn’t going to roll over and give up being in charge.

It took some time, but with Kane’s begrudging respect, some of the adults finally conceded that most of the kids knew more about the ground than they did. It helped; being put in a position of power again gave him more responsibilities, and less time to  _think_.  

The worst day was when Lexa came to the camp. It was the first time anyone had heard from her since the Grounders abandoned their alliance and left them in the Mountain, and Bellamy had been seeing red since the minute the sentries announced that she was the one at the gate.

“Bellamy,” she had greeted him, and he had never felt so much like his old self than he did in that moment. He wanted to shake her, wanted to throttle her, wanted to make her pay for what she made them do to all those people. “I was hoping to see Clarke.”

Bellamy let out a bitter laugh, “Clarke isn’t here.” 

“When will she be back? We can stay until--”

“No one knows!” Bellamy nearly shouted, “No one knows when she’s coming back, or where she is. We have you to thank for that.” 

“Bellamy--” Octavia’s voice was a low warning in his ear, but he didn’t listen.

“She had to kill  _everyone_  in that Mountain to get our people out. She had to kill everyone because you didn’t hold up your end of the deal, and it turns out having to kill an entire  _race of people_ ,” Bellamy practically spit the words at Lexa, “didn’t sit well with Clarke’s mental state.”

Bellamy was losing it, and he knew it. He also knew that Clarke’s leaving had more to do with their entire time on the Ground and not just about what she had to do in the Mountain. He also knew that he was grasping at straws when it came to blaming Lexa, but his anger at the entire situation was spilling over, and he couldn’t keep it inside any longer.

“Bellamy, stop it,” Octavia said harshly, but he shook off her hold on his arm.

“If you’re looking for a friend, you’re not going to find it in me. I don’t trust you. Go find Kane if you want to talk.” Bellamy hissed, turning on his heel and storming away before he could do or say anything else to ruin what was left of their alliance with the Grounders.

.

.

It wasn’t long before Octavia stormed into his tent, eyes flashing. “How big of an idiot  _are_  you?”

“Give it a rest, O.” 

“What if she would have fought back? What if she would have deadened the alliance right then and there?!”

“Well, she didn’t, did she. Crisis avoided.”

Octavia gaped at him, her eyes hardening, “What is  _wrong_ with you? You haven’t been like this for a long time, Bell.”

Bellamy clenched his fists at his side and struggled to put into words what he was feeling. He was angry and taking it out on everyone, and even though he knew that, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. 

“You blame Lexa for Clarke leaving,” his sister said, always able to see right through him. “You think that if she would have attacked the Mountain with us, then Clarke wouldn’t have left.”

“It’s not just about Clarke,” Bellamy protested, despite the voice in his head yelling  _lie, lie, lie._ “Who knows how many people would still be alive if she and her people would have helped us like she said they would.”

Octavia was quiet for a minute, her eyes calculating. “Look, Clarke and I haven’t seen eye to eye lately. I don’t agree with a lot of the decisions she made, but this? There was no choice. She needs some time to make herself understand that.”

“I know that, Octavia.”

“I know you do. I also know that even though I think she needed this time alone, I also think she needed to be here. She needed to heal with us. She needed to  _help us_. That’s why you’re so angry.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“You know... just because Clarke left doesn’t mean you’re alone. I might not understand what you’re going through, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with this by yourself, Bellamy.” Octavia smiled sadly at him, and then she was gone, and Bellamy had never felt more alone, despite his sister’s reassurances.

.

.

Lexa’s party was gone the next day. Kane dealt with her, and some of the finer terms of their alliance, and Bellamy was surprised to hear that in a roundabout way, Lexa had apologized for leaving the Sky People vulnerable at the Mountain. Bellamy still scowled when Kane told him that Lexa had some secondary conditions that needed to be met in order for the alliance to hold, but they were small compared to what they could have been. 

They were going to develop some technology for the Grounders, simple things like medical equipment, and train them how to use it. In return, the Grounders were going to give them some extra clothing and furs for winter, as well as some seeds and plants that they needed to start growing crops when the weather turned.

Bellamy was grateful, but he knew that it was all Kane and Abby Griffin’s doing. If he had been in that room, he knew the conversation would have been decidedly more negative. After his sister had confronted him the night before, Bellamy had barely slept. That wasn’t too strange, seeing as how most nights he was plagued with nightmares, but this time, he was replaying her words over and over in his head, and he knew he needed to be better.

His people deserved a better leader. The problem that he couldn’t seem to reconcile within himself was that he was convinced that Clarke had always been the one to make him better. She was so good, and she always challenged him to be more than he thought he could be, to be better than the person he was when they first came to the ground. 

Sometime early in the morning, he came to a decision. He needed to stop moping around. It had been weeks, and there was no sign that Clarke was going to come back anytime soon, so he needed to get over it. He needed to get over it, and move on, and be a leader again.

(He couldn’t help himself from keeping one eye on the horizon at night though, still hoping that he’d see that familiar head of golden hair coming from the treeline, ready to come home.) 

.

.

Two more months passed, and Bellamy was better. He wasn’t healed, not even close, but the majority of his emotional scars had scabbed over, and he was relishing in being in charge once again. He and his sister and Raven had been talking seriously about moving back to the Dropship site for a few weeks, and he thought in a few months they would finally be able to make it happen. 

No one had brought it up with the adults yet, but Bellamy was confident. There was no reason for them to stay there, not anymore, except for the few kids who had been reunited with their parents. 

The rest of the 44 had been through too much to continue living under the Council. Now that they had decent supplies to last through the winter, Bellamy was looking forward to going back to where it all started, where their dead were buried, where they could build  _real_  structures and start over. They needed this.  _He_  needed this.

While they were still in the early phases of planning, he, Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, Wick, and Miller had taken a day trip back to the Dropship. It had been an emotional experience for all of them, especially for Raven, who had been sure that fate was going to let her die inside the Dropship while all her friends were taken right outside. 

Octavia, who hadn’t been there when the battle had happened, had steeled herself before entering what was left of the gates, clutching Lincoln’s hand like a lifeline. 

The brief time they returned to the Dropship after the battle they had been consumed by trying to heal Lincoln, and calm a raging Finn, and there hadn’t been time to let what had happened there sink in. Now, in the quiet of the early afternoon, they all seemed to freeze and reflect on the life they had there and what could have been if they had stayed.

The ashes were still scattered everywhere, footprints of the people who fought, died and were taken still visible. Bellamy shut his eyes tight for a few seconds, taking a deep breath. He wished more than anything in that moment that Clarke was there with him. He needed someone to pull him out of his own head and help him deal with the tumult of emotions swirling inside of him. 

“We can do this,” Raven’s voice came from beside him, her voice thick with tears, but strong nonetheless. “This is where we came from. This is where we took a stand. This is where I almost--” she cut herself off, taking a deep breath, and Bellamy pretended not to notice when Wick stroked her arm affectionately, seemingly offering what little comfort he could. The man beside Raven looked just as stricken as she did, probably imagining how a group of kids had to defend themselves without any help from the Ark. “We need to start over, and we should do it here.”

Miller nodded in agreement from his place next to Bellamy, “It’s not going to be easy, but we can do it.”

After they spent a little bit of time cleaning up the debris and ashes of fallen Grounders and members of the 100, they stood on the ramp to the Dropship, taking in the scene before them. So many memories were overtaking Bellamy’s brain, and he knew right then and there that he wanted to create more memories in this spot, where it all started for all of them. 

(When they entered the Dropship, Bellamy tried to tell himself that his racing heart was due to fear of the unknown, and not because of the sudden thought that Clarke might have come here, that she might still be here, hiding out from the world. When no one was found inside, the disappointment swelled up like a punch to the gut, and he hated himself for it.)

.

.

Two months later, they were officially their own settlement. The Ark didn’t like it, Abby and Kane insisting that they were still just kids, but Raven’s vehement protests that they stopped being kids the moment they were attacked just for landing on the ground quickly silenced everyone.

“We were sent here to die,” Bellamy said, his voice firm, but not unkind. “Luckily for all of you,” he glanced at the adults, “we survived. We survived on willpower, intelligence and community alone, and we did it without your help.”

“Bellamy--” Abby Griffin’s stern voice tried to interrupt, but Bellamy held up his hand, signalling that he wasn’t done.

“With all due respect, Chancellor Griffin, we deserve our own settlement. We are grateful for the supplies that we’ve been given, but we can’t stay here under the Council’s rule anymore. We’re not kids anymore. It’s time that we all accept that so we can move on.”

Abby looked at him then with a look bordering on surprise and pride that was so similar to Clarke that Bellamy had to look away, the sudden onslaught of emotions it brought on nearly too much for him to handle. He wondered for the hundredth time if she was okay, if she was somewhere keeping tabs on them, if she knew what they were doing and if she would be proud of them. 

He had to believe that she was okay. If she wasn’t okay, then he didn’t think he would ever forgive himself for not convincing her to stay. He was still angry with her, and resented what she did for more than one reason, but the sadness that she wasn’t there to argue for their independence won out in the end.

“How soon will you leave?” Kane asked, and Bellamy tried to contain his smile, but knew he was failing when he saw the corners of Kane’s mouth twitch in amusement.

“As soon as we can gather together the necessary supplies. Ideally, all of the 44 will come with us, but anyone who wants to stay with their parents probably will, unless their parents want to come with us too.”

“You better start making a list of what you’re going to need, then.” Abby said, that look still on her face.

For the first time in what felt like years, Bellamy grinned.

.

.

They made it through the winter without any casualties. Bellamy still wasn’t sure how that happened, although he knew better than to question a bout of good luck. Thanks to the supplies from the Ark and the furs from the Grounders, they were able to keep warm while building more solid structures to last them through the coldest months.

Now, they had almost 4 solid structures in their settlement, and had gotten permission from the Grounders to expand their territory all the way to the river, so they could have access to water and other essentials more readily.

Bellamy was scaling one of the outer walls, trying to make a repair to the top of a loose log when he heard the sentries shouting to open the gate. They sounded frantic, and Bellamy automatically assumed the worst, freezing in his position and trying to crane his neck to see who was there.

“Bellamy...” Miller sounded wary from his position on the ground down below Bellamy where he had been spotting him, and Bellamy followed his gaze, his heart stopping in his chest when his eyes fell on Clarke, standing in the entryway to the camp, her clothes torn and dirty, her skin tan, but her eyes bright, brighter than he could ever remember seeing them. “Bellamy.” Miller said again, and Bellamy nodded at him.

“I’ll be down in a second.”

“Don’t you think you should--”

“I need to finish this. She can wait a few minutes,” Bellamy said harshly, and Miller swallowed. “Just give me a minute,” he said, more quietly, and Miller nodded in understanding.

“You got it, boss.”

Bellamy took his time fixing the section of the wall he was working on, hoping that by the time he was finished the butterflies in his stomach would have disappeared, but when he glanced over his shoulder to see Clarke and Monty in deep conversation, he knew the lurch his stomach gave at the sight of her wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

Climbing down from the wall, he landed with a thud, attracting the attention of Clarke and the small group of people that had gathered around her. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, and Bellamy honestly didn’t know if he wanted to hug her or yell at her.

“Bellamy.” Her voice was soft, but still the same husky tone he remembered, and he was embarrassed to feel his throat growing tight.

“Princess,” he replied, tilting his head in greeting. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“I... I didn’t expect myself to show up here, either.”

“So why did you, then?” His voice sounded hard even to his own ears, but he stood his ground, the resentment he’d been feeling for months bubbling to the surface. 

“Can we go somewhere else to talk?” She asked, her voice plaintive, so different from the Clarke he remembered.

“I’m busy.”

“Bellamy, please--”

“I don’t really have anything to say to you.” 

“Guys--” Raven cut in, but Bellamy didn’t let her, shooting her a glare.

“I have work to do. In fact, doesn’t everyone have work to do?” He asked, gesturing at the small crowd that had gathered. “Enough standing around.”

The crowd dispersed, mumbling under their breath, but Bellamy didn’t care. He just knew that he needed to get far away from Clarke Griffin before he let his anger take over and make him say something he would regret later. Turning on his heel, he headed into the Dropship, trying to ignore the footsteps he heard following him.

“Bellamy, wait.”

“Why?” He nearly shouted, whirling around to face her, taking some satisfaction at the startled look on her face. “Why should I?”

“Because you were right!” Her voice was still quiet, but that fire he recognized in her was back. “You were right. I needed to deal with my issues, Bellamy, but I shouldn’t have left everyone.”

“You’re damn right you shouldn’t have,” Bellamy fired back, taking a step closer to her. “Do you have any idea what it’s been like these last few months? These kids were barely keeping it together.  _I_ was barely keeping it together.”

She didn’t say anything, just looked anywhere but at him, and the thought that she was avoiding this  _again_  angered him to no end. 

“I needed you here, Clarke. I know you felt guilty and needed some time, but  _fuck_ , what about me?! I pulled that lever too. I watched all those people die. I saw those kids in the Mountain and yet I still let them--” He trailed off, breathing hard, putting his hands on his hips. “I’ve had to wake Harper up from nightmares more times than I can count. She barely spoke a word to anyone until a few weeks ago. Jasper still isn’t speaking to me. He’s only here because Raven convinced him to help her in engineering.”

Clarke’s eyes were filled with tears now, but he didn’t back down. He couldn’t.

“I’ve had nightmares every single night since you left, to the point where I don’t really sleep anymore. I needed you here to help me deal with all this shit, Clarke, and to help me help  _them_ , and you weren’t here. I get why you had to leave, I really do, but it doesn’t change the fact that it really fucking  _sucked_ , Clarke.”

Just when Bellamy was sure Clarke wasn’t going to say anything, she wiped a tear from her cheek and met his gaze. “Lexa came to see me a few months ago. I don’t know how she found me. She tried to apologize.”

“I really don’t--”

“She told me that you basically told her to go to hell.”

Bellamy was silent, not knowing what he was supposed to say here. Deep down, he hated that Lexa had found Clarke before him. Hated that she might be the reason she was here in the first place.

“I told her that you took the words right out of my mouth.” 

Bellamy’s eyes snapped to hers. “You what?”

“She betrayed us. Me.”

“The alliance--”

“She told me she deserved what we both said to her, and told me that it was probably best if you and I dealt with our anger separately.”

Bellamy sucked in a breath, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. How many times could Clarke possibly stick a knife into him with her words? How many times was he going to stand in front of her and let her kick him while he was down?

“She was wrong, Bellamy.” Clarke was closer now, so close he could feel her breath on his chest. “I was wrong, too. I still feel guilty. I still have nightmares, but I... I feel more selfish than I’ve ever felt in my life and I hate it.”

“You made the choice to leave, Princess.”

“I know. I know that, and I was wrong. Don’t get me wrong, being alone was good for me, but it also... it messed me up, Bell. I spent every day trying to heal myself while also worrying about all of you, and I just... I just want to have a home again.”

Bellamy looked at her for a long moment, unsure of what she wanted to hear from him. “Your mom probably misses you,” he offered.

She was already shaking her head before he even finished his sentence, “That’s not home. It never will be.”

“You want to stay here?”

“I want to stay with you, Bellamy. I want to earn your forgiveness because I can’t do this without you. I don’t know how to be myself without you to remind me that I’m not a  _monster_ \--”

Bellamy cut her off by taking three quick strides towards her and gathering her up in a hug so tight he nearly lifted her off the ground. She felt small, too small, under his hands, but he figured that was a fight for another day. Right now, he was too relieved to hear her say that she was going to stay, that she needed him as much as he needed her... he was just relieved, plain and simple.

“I’m still angry with you,” he mumbled against her temple. 

“I know.”

“We could have gotten through this together,” he chided.

“I think I knew that all along, and it scared me, Bellamy. My track record with relying on people isn’t that great.” Her lips twitched in a ghost of a smile, and Bellamy felt something warm settle in his chest.

“You told me once that I wasn’t a monster. You made me believe that I was more than the product of my actions and my choices. I figure I at least owe you the very same.”

They were quiet for the next few minutes, both of them simply basking in being in each other’s arms. 

“It’s not going to be easy, Clarke. A lot of people are still struggling.”

“I am too. I want to help, Bellamy. I want to lead again. I want--” She cut herself off, pulling away from him slightly. “I just want to know that when I look next to me that I’m going to find you there.”

“Clarke... even if I hated you I’d be there. You have to know that by now.” Bellamy told her, his voice rough with emotion. “It would have been easier to hate you,” he murmured, almost to himself. “I never could, though.”

They stood there like that until Octavia stormed into the Dropship, looking like she was expecting to find them screaming at each other or plotting the other’s murder. Bellamy watched with held breath as Octavia and Clarke stared at each other, the air between them thick with tension.

“Are you planning on staying?” Octavia asked Clarke, her voice hard.

“Yeah. I am.”

“Good.” Octavia said simply, before closing the distance between her and Clarke and wrapping Clarke up in a hug that surprised even Bellamy. “If you ever hurt him like that again, you’re going to have to answer to me,” Octavia whispered fiercely. 

“Alright warrior princess, give it a rest,” Bellamy drawled. 

“C’mon, Clarke. I’ll take you to the new Med Bay. We moved it out of the Dropship. Lincoln’s been helping me there, but neither one of us are as good at stitches as you are.” 

Octavia took Clarke’s arm and dragged her outside, Clarke glancing over her shoulder to meet Bellamy’s eyes quickly, something he couldn’t define in her blue eyes. Whatever it was, it scared him and thrilled him all at the same time, and he finally let the knowledge that she was back settle over him, like a comforting blanket. 

She was back, and he’d be damned if he was letting her leave ever again. They were in this together, just like they’d always be. Two sides of the same coin, and maybe more, if Bellamy had anything to say about it.

 _Run fast as you can_  
_No one has to understand_  
_Fly high across the sky from here to kingdom come_  
_Fall back down to where you're from_  
_Don't you fret, my dear_  
_It'll all be over soon_  
_I'll be waiting here for you_

**Author's Note:**

> please review, they give me life! also, come cry with me on tumblr @dreamingundone because i am bellarke trash and want to meet other trash babies like me.


End file.
